cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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