I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
