i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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