How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
