I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
