I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
