My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
