Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
