Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
