The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
