i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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