My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
