and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
