Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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