Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
