you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
