Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
