i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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