it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
