I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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