Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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