We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
