It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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