Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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