two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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