Don't you send me to vm
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
