What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
