I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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