OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
