Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And then he peed in my hair
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