the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
