Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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