Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
