also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
