I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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