The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
