chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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