She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
