from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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