she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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