i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pooping to opera.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
