Banned from zoo.
Again?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
