I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
