I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
love makes seman taste better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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