Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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