Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
