Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
