Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
