1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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