i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
