Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I need a beard to bite.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
