I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
