I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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