whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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