Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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