We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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