Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I party with great urgency now.
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