her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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