batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
