He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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