her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
