I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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