I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
