8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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