I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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