i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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