after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
