I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
this is an emotional support booty call
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
