I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
