these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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