Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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