I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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