I wish my penis had an off switch
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
