just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
