So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Someone shattered a urinal.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
